Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
