he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
