Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
