Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
