i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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