I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
