when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
