You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
