I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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