I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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