He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
