she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You dont lie about slip and slides
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
