In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
