i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
