got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
