I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
