They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
