You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
