i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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