Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Randomize
