when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
