They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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