Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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