so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
