Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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