If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
