His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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