The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
