Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
