But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
