she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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