the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is my gift to your gina
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
