sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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