is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
