I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
