is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
