I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
