i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
