the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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