she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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