So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What a dumb baby whore.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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