So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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