8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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