A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
