I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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