OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
