it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
