I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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