i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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