dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
